The Demented Luvv Triangle
by maya selene
Summary: well... it's not who you'd expect. really....... [my first fic. review and be nice].


Professor McGonagall was walking across the grounds, completely unaware that a pair of brown eyes were watching her every move. The eyes belonged to Hagrid. For some strange reason, his stomach gave a funny lurch at the sight of her and his ears had turned ruby red.  
  
"Hagrid? Hagrid, are you listening to me?" Hagrid wrenched his eyes from her and turned to face Harry who looked very annoyed.  
  
"Yeah, 'course I am," said Hagrid.  
  
"Well, I've just said the same thing to you twice now, but you keep staring off at Professor McGonagall."  
  
"Do I?" said Hagrid vaguely, craning his head to see her better.  
  
A massive smirk spread across Ron's face. "You don't like her, do you?"  
  
Hagrid jumped and flushed from the roots of his hair right down to his toes. "No, 'course not," he said hurriedly, because Harry and Hermione had begun to grin too. "Do you really think a teacher like that would ever be interes'ed in me? Now clear off the lot of yer, got things tha' need doin' here." The three of them obediently set off back to the castle and Hagrid turned and walked the opposite way, mainly to avoid seeing Ron's annoying smirk.  
  
On the way back to his cabin though, he made a decision. By the end of tomorrow, Minerva McGonagall was going to find out she had a secret admirer.  
  
***  
  
The next day found Hagrid sneaking into Professor McGonagall's office, leaving a bunch of flowers on her desk. He had spent most of last night, and much of the next morning in the Forbidden Forest choosing the most exotic flowers he could find and arranging them into an attractive display. On a piece of parchment he had written From Your Sekrat Admyra in his best handwriting and had left it on top of the flowers. He was grinning as he left the room, he couldn't wait to see how pleased Professor McGonagall would be when she found them.  
  
***  
  
As soon as he had finished his game keeping duties, Hagrid hurried up the stairs to the entrance hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of Professor McGonagall. As it happened, he got his wish sooner than he expected, and slammed into her, knocking her down and scattering her books everywhere.  
  
"Hagrid, do watch where you're going," she said, picking herself of the ground and dusting her robes off.  
  
"Sorry, Professor," said Hagrid, blushing furiously as he bent down to retrieve her books. "Um...actually, I wanted to tell you something," he said as he handed them over to her. He hoped that she didn't notice the quake in his voice while he was talking.  
  
"Oh, well, then, hurry up," she said tucking the books under her arm. 'Heaven knows I've had enough to deal with today, Longbottom somehow managed to Transfigure his Flobberworm into a python... took nearly the whole lesson to convince everyone that it was safe to come down off the tables. Then when I went into my office to mark some papers, (Hagrid leant forward eagerly as she said this) I found that some twit had left a bunch of weeds on my desk. Very smelly weeds they were too, obviously left by a first year who thought it would be an amusing to lead me into thinking that I might have a secret admirer... anyway, what was it you wanted to tell me again, Hagrid?"  
  
"Oh... nothing," said Hagrid, his heart sinking horribly. "Nothing at all."  
  
***  
  
While all this had been going on, Filch had been in his study devising his own plan to win Professor McGonagall's love. Unknown to Hagrid, he too was attracted to her, but he had a very different way to letting her know. He had decided to be direct and had written her a letter which he read aloud to Mrs. Norris.  
  
Dear Professor McGonagall,  
From the moment I saw you, I knew that we were destined to be together. Before now, I have not been man enough to state my feelings into words, for you are a clever witch and I am but a simple squib, and for this, I offer you my undying love. Meet me at the bottom of the marble staircase in the entrance hall at six o'clock tonight if you wish to be with me from now until eternity.  
Sincerely,  
Argus Filch  
  
"Now what do you think of that, my sweet?" he said to Mrs. Norris. Mrs Norris meowed jealously, but Filch took no notice of her and swept over to Professor McGonagall's office to leave the letter on her desk, where she surely couldn't miss it.  
  
***  
  
At six o'clock that evening, Filch could be found in his moldy old tailcoat waiting at the bottom of the stairs for any sign of Professor McGonagall. Seven o'clock slowly ticked by...and went, then seven ten, seven fifteen... Filch, his heart low and his face burning with the embarrassment of being rejected had given up all hope of Professor McGonagall ever showing up, and was about to head up back to his office when she suddenly appeared. She has never looked more beautiful, Filch thought to himself, gazing up at her rapturously.  
  
"Filch!"said Professor McGonagall, looking surprised. "How strange seeing you here."  
  
Filch suddenly had the feeling that Professor McGonagall wasn't there to spend the rest of her life with him.  
  
"Why...why is that strange, Professor," he said in a faltering voice.  
  
"Because I just had a very odd letter from someone declaring his love to me," said Professor McGonagall, looking at him suspiciously. "It ended saying that I should meet them at the bottom of this starcase at seven and it was signed by....you. Naturally, I thought that some foolish person had left it there as a joke, the Weasley twins no doubt, but now..." her voice trailed off as she eyed Filch's neatly combed hair and his old tailcoat.  
  
"Oh, of course, you were absolutely right, Professor," Filch babbled, turning red. "I wrote nothing of the sort... I'll tell the twins off immediately," and hurried up the stairs, stumbling in his rush.  
  
As soon as he was in his office, he cursed himself for not telling her about his feelings. They could have been riding out into the sunset by now if only she had known the letter really was from him.... maybe he should do it now, before it was too late....  
Filch, gathering up all the courage he could muster, marched purposely out of the room to Professor McGonagall's office. It's now or never, he thought to himself as he slammed a door shut behind him.  
  
***  
  
Hagrid marched up the stairs towards Professor McGonagall's office with a determined look on his face. He was carrying a large tin of rock cakes he had baked himself and was wearing his horrible, hairy brown suit. He had decided that he was going to be direct with Professor McGonagall and tell her all about his feelings, how she made his stomach lurch and tumble and how his ears turned red whenever he saw her...  
  
Nerves made him forget about manners, he opened the office door without knocking. He then saw a sight that made him drop the rock cakes. Sitting on a chair, was Professor McGonagall with a look of the most utmost shock on her face. And kneeling on the ground beside her, holding her hand, was none other than Filch.  
  
"...I meant every word I wrote, honestly..." he was saying earnestly. "I am head over heels in love with you, I really am..."  
  
This was all a bit too much for Hagrid. He had just spent the entire afternoon baking rock cakes, only to find someone was trying to steal HIS girlfriend! With an angry roar, he grabbed the first thing he saw (which happened to be The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six) and slammed it down on top of Filch's head.  
  
"Hagrid!" said Professor McGonagall in shock as Filch toppled over, looking dazed.  
Hagrid, completely ignoring her, was now pummeling Filch with the book. "Tryin' to steal her off me, eh? Knew I snuck in to give her the flowers and you thought you'd try an' get her firs'! I never though' you had it in you, Filch."  
  
Filch was rolling across the ground in agony yelling, "I don't know what your talking about! Minerva loves me, not you! Owwwww!" he howled as Hagrid aimed an extra hard slap on his nose.  
  
"That's for tellin' lies you whopping, great squib! She doesn't love you, she loves me, you mark my..."  
  
"Stop!" Professor McGonagall yelled, from where she was standing on her chair to get away from the fighting. "Stop it, right now! I don't love either of you!!!"  
  
That statement was enough to bring both men to their senses. They stopped fighting, stared at her and said "What?"  
  
"I don't love either of you," she repeated furiously. "You both have obviously taken some sort of love potion that's caused you to behave this way. In fact..." to Hagrid and Filch's amazement, Professor McGonagall had blushed a ruby red. "If you must know, I'm- I'm engaged."  
  
Hagrid and Filch stared at her in shock.  
  
"Engaged?" they said in unison.  
  
"Yes, engaged," said Professor McGonagall, still blushing furiously. "Flitwick asked me to marry him just last night and I accepted. We're going to make the announcement at tea time tonight. So," said Professor McGonagall, getting angry again, "You have your answer, I am not in love with either of you, and if you'll excuse me but I have to meet Flitwick." She swept out of her office without another word and slammed the door behind her, leaving both Filch and Hagrid in a state of shock.  



End file.
